God let me be sifted. My heart is sore. My was confidence shaken. But my love for my Savior ever-deepening. And I came to realize that the best way to let you see Christ's working was to show you my prayer over this past month. Wherever you are, I pray the steadfast love of our God rivets your heart. This is a love that will not let you go.
Lord, I cannot stand before you.
My legs fail, my voice trembles, my soul sinks into its own blackness.
I have failed. Not at one thing. But at many things. Not only once, but constantly, repeatedly, grindingly again and again.
My sin falls around me like an old comfort.
It wraps my day in the certainty of failure.
It dictates my thoughts, my actions, my hope.
For I have no hope. There is no change. This is where I live.
This is who I am.
Then quietly, a whisper. Faint, "No."
Through the darkness, a flicker of light. Hope.
"You are mine."
But the sin wrenches my heart. Grabs my soul.
I am unworthy. I am dirty. I am nothing.
"But I, your Savior, I am not dirty. I have no shame. Guilt does not live in me."
Your voice. Quietly. Calmly. Without fail. Never ceasing.
It tells me of a violent, passionate, never-failing love.
It tells me of eyes that see all. Eyes that see deeper. Deeper into darkness, into the foul recesses of sin.
Eyes that see a depravity which my hopeless soul cannot even comprehend.
Eyes that see.
But arms that still hold me.
The dirt does not repulse you. You do not loosen your grip. Your love digs deeper than the shame, deeper than the guilt, deeper than the sin. It digs in. And it holds on.
This love. It does not live in the dirt with me.
It washes. It cleanses. It scrubs.
Gently, over the open sores of my shame, you place healing. Peace. Robes of righteousness.
"My daughter. My sister."
My heart dances in this voice of hope.
My shame withers.
My joy bubbles, clear, crystal, without taint.
I will rejoice in my God, in my Savior, in the love that buys me and cleans me.
What depths of glorious forever family! What steadfast, unwavering passion...
I stand amazed.
My heart sings. My eyes cry.
I stand in grace.
I stand in love.
I stand unworthy.
I stand with trembling hope.
I am clean. I am beautiful.
This is my God.
This is earth-shattering love.
Love that will not let me go.